Talking and Understanding: How Speech and Language Grow

What Talking Looks Like by Age

There are two sides to language. Understanding (receptive language) is what your child takes in: following what you say, knowing the names of things, answering questions. Speaking (expressive language) is what comes out: sounds, words, then sentences. Speech also includes how clearly the sounds are made. Most children understand far more than they can say.

The table shows what most children can do by each age. It is a guide, not an exam. If your child is a little behind in one row but moving forward, that is often fine. If they are behind in several rows, or not moving forward, ask for a check. Our milestone checker takes you through talking, movement, play and social skills together, age by age.

Some sounds come late, and that is normal. Many four-year-olds still say "th" as "f" or "d", or struggle with "r" and "l". A child who is hard for strangers to understand at four, or who leaves the ends off most words at three, should be checked.

Two or Three Languages at Home

Many Nigerian children hear English, Pidgin and one or more of Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo or another language every day — from parents, grandparents, a nanny and the neighbours. Families are often told that this confuses children and causes late talking. It does not. Research across many countries shows children learning two or three languages reach their milestones in the same age range as children learning one.

• Count words across all languages. If your child says "omi" for water, "mama" and "ball", that is three words. A bilingual child may know fewer words in each language, but a similar total.
• Mixing languages is normal. Using a Hausa word in an English sentence shows your child is using every word they know. It is not confusion.
• Speak the language you know best. Children learn most from rich, fluent, warm talk. A parent speaking their own language well gives more than a parent speaking English with effort. English will come, especially once school starts.
• Do not drop the home language because a child is slow to talk. Taking away a language does not speed things up, and it can cut a child off from grandparents and heritage.

A real delay shows up in every language the child hears. If your child is behind in all of them, that needs a check, and being bilingual is not the reason.

Signs That Mean Ask for a Check

You do not need to wait for a clinic visit to ask. These signs mean book a developmental or speech and language check. Losing skills is more urgent, and a sudden change with other symptoms is an emergency.

If your child is also not playing pretend games, not interested in other children, or has very strong routines, read our guide to autism as well — speech delay is one of the most common reasons families first ask about it, and an assessment looks at the whole child.

Check Hearing First

Hearing is the first thing to test in any child with a speech or language worry. Even a mild hearing loss makes speech sound muffled, like listening through a wall. Many babies in Nigeria are not screened at birth, so a hearing loss can go unnoticed for years.

The most common cause in young children is glue ear — sticky fluid behind the eardrum after colds and ear infections. It comes and goes, so a child may seem to hear well one week and ignore you the next. Other signs are turning the TV up, saying "eh?" often, or speaking very loudly. Hearing can be tested at any age, even in babies; the test does not hurt. Read our guide to ears and hearing for more.

Screens and Background TV

Children learn to talk from people, not screens. A cartoon cannot wait for your child's answer, notice what they are looking at, or smile when they try a new word. The World Health Organization advises no screen time for children under 2 (video calls with family are fine), and no more than one hour a day for children aged 2 to 4 — less is better.

Background TV matters too. When a television is on in the room, adults talk less to children, and children play for shorter spells, even if nobody is watching. In many homes the TV runs all day. Switch it off when nobody is watching, and at mealtimes. If your child does watch, sit with them and talk about what you see: "Look, the goat is eating. What is the goat eating?"

Everyday Ways to Build Language

You do not need special toys, flashcards or lessons. Most language learning happens during the things you already do — cooking, bathing, dressing, shopping at the market, sitting in traffic. Grandparents, older brothers and sisters and nannies can all do this too.

1. Talk while you do things. Say what you are doing in short, simple words: "Mummy is cutting the yam. Cut, cut. Now it goes in the pot. Hot!"
2. Name what your child is looking at. Follow their eyes and their pointing finger. If they look at a lorry, say "Big lorry. Red lorry." Words stick best when they match what the child is interested in right now.
3. Follow their lead. Join the game they have chosen instead of steering them to yours. Play is where most language is learnt.
4. Pause and wait. After you speak, count slowly to five in your head. Give your child a chance to answer with a sound, a word or a gesture. Many parents fill every silence without meaning to.
5. Add one word. If your child says "ball", you say "big ball" or "throw ball". If they say "car go", you say "the car is going fast". This is called expanding, and it shows the next step without correcting.
6. Say it back the right way, without making them repeat it. If your child says "me goed market", say "Yes, you went to the market" — then carry on. Asking a child to say it again "properly" can make them go quiet.
7. Read and sing every day. Share a picture book for a few minutes, point to things and name them. Sing the same songs and rhymes again and again, in any language, and leave a gap for your child to fill in the last word.
8. Give choices. "Banana or orange?" gives your child the words they need to answer.

With a toddler, reading can simply mean talking about the pictures. Books in Nigerian languages, and home-made books of family photos, work just as well.

Stammering

Between about 2 and 5 years, many children go through a stage of repeating words or phrases — "I-I-I want" or "can I, can I have" — especially when excited, tired, or when their ideas are running ahead of their words. This normal disfluency usually comes and goes and fades by itself.

A stammer (also called a stutter) is different. Signs include repeating parts of words ("b-b-b-ball"), stretching sounds ("sssssock"), getting stuck with no sound coming out, tension in the face, blinking or head movements while trying to talk, or avoiding speaking. Most young children who start to stammer stop within a few years, but it is not possible to tell in advance who will. Ask for an assessment if the stammer has lasted more than six months, is getting worse, comes with visible struggle, upsets your child, started after about age three and a half, or if someone else in the family stammers.

At home: slow your own speech down a little, give your child time to finish, and listen to what they say rather than how. Do not finish their words, tell them to "slow down" or "take a breath", or make them start again. Stammering is not caused by bad parenting, a bad habit, or a spiritual problem, and punishing it makes it worse.

Tongue-Tie

Tongue-tie means the band of skin under the tongue (the frenulum) is short or tight. Many families are told that a child who talks late is "tied" and needs the band cut. In fact, tongue-tie very rarely causes late talking. Late talking is about language — learning words and putting them together — and the tongue has nothing to do with that.

A tight frenulum can sometimes affect breastfeeding in young babies, and a small procedure may then help with feeding. For speech, cutting it rarely makes a difference, and cutting by someone without training can cause heavy bleeding, infection and scarring. If you are worried about your child's tongue, ask for an assessment by a speech and language therapist and a doctor before anyone cuts.

What a Speech and Language Therapist Does

A speech and language therapist is trained in how children learn to understand, talk, and also swallow. At Limi, speech therapists work in the development service, alongside the developmental clinics and physiotherapy, so a child who needs more than one kind of help gets it under one roof.

What Happens at an Assessment

1. A conversation with you. The therapist asks about pregnancy and birth, early milestones, ear infections, which languages your child hears and from whom, and what worries you. Bring the child health card and any reports.
2. Play. Most of the assessment looks like play with toys and books. The therapist watches how your child understands, communicates, uses gestures, plays and takes turns.
3. Hearing. If your child has not had a recent hearing test, the therapist arranges one.
4. A plan, explained. The therapist tells you what they found, in plain words, and what happens next. Sometimes that is advice and a review; sometimes regular therapy; sometimes a referral for a wider developmental assessment.

Therapy for young children is mostly about coaching parents and carers, because a child spends far more hours with family than in a clinic. You go home with a few specific things to practise. Progress depends on what happens between sessions, so bring the nanny and grandparents to a session too.

What People Say, and What Is True

Questions Parents Ask